(Source: almostdeadonarrival)




(Source: stewheart)




(Source: bellblake)



Anonymous asked:
what drugs have you done

h0odrich:

nice try mom





How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:
  • Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
  • Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
  • Man: I never filled out an application.
  • Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
  • Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
  • Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
  • Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
  • Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
  • Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
  • Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
  • Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
  • Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
  • Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
  • Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
  • Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
  • Employee:
  • Man:
  • Employee:
  • Man: Fuck you, slut.



jetgreguar:

terra-butt:

I WAS TRYING TO DO A TRICK ON MY FRIEND DARRELL BUT THEN I ENDED UP NEARLY CRYING I FEEL SO SHITTY LOOK HOW NICE HE IS.

I TOLD HIM HE DIDNT HAVE TO HELP ME AND GOD BLESS HIS BEAUTIFUL SOUL.

this went from funny to adorable really fast

(Source: yungterra)



kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails


(Source: gayspicy)



giveamanagame:

captainjamestklrk:

MY BIRD IS SITTING IN THE TOP CORNER OF HER CAGE CALLING MY DOG’S NAME AND ASKING IF HE WANTS A TREAT AND IF HE WANTS TO GO TO OUTSIDE AND HE’S TOO STUPID TO REALIZE IT’S HER SO EVERYTIME SHE SAYS SOMETHING HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE

image 

SHE LAUGHS EVERYTIME TOO AND NOW HE’S JUMPING ON ME AND BARKING AND GETTING MAD AT ME LIKE OLIVER TURN AROUND AND LOOK IN THAT HUGE ASS CAGE AND BEG HER FOR A FUCKING TREAT OR SOMETHING. 

your bird is an asshole

(Source: eragonsshadeslayer)



9,512 plays

wiltedsighs:

Well take me, take me back to your bed
I love you so much that it hurts my head
Say I don’t mind you under my skin
I’ll let the bad parts in, the bad parts in



(Source: teesandtanks)




(Source: beyoncempire)



poshxspice:

subject13fringe:

montypythonandtheholyblog:

today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket 

image

today on satan makes a blog post



bewbin:

"the weather seems ruff today doesnt it Spot haha?""dont patronize me Greg"

bewbin:

"the weather seems ruff today doesnt it Spot haha?"
"dont patronize me Greg"

(Source: awwww-cute)



DRESSING UP FOR THE FIRST DAY OF CLASSES

college-life-crisis:

Freshmen:

image

Seniors:

image